Good morning!

Do you have any fun plans for Thanksgiving this week?  We are spending the holiday with my husband’s family and I could not be more excited.  I’m looking forward to cold weather, spending time with family and my best friend, and watching James explore new places!

As Thanksgiving approaches, I’ve been reflecting a lot on last year’s holiday season.  It was my first year as a mom and James was just a newborn (two months old at Thanksgiving) and honestly, parts of it were really tough.

I love the holidays and LOVE traditions.  There is a running joke in my family that they have to be careful because if they do anything twice, I will insist it is a tradition and must be done forever.  This is not far from the truth.

When I was hoping to get pregnant, and the whole year I was expecting James, I would often drift off to sleep at night imagining Christmas with a baby.  I’ve always wanted to be a mom and it always seemed like the holidays would be extra magical with little ones.  And they are.  But they’re also a lot harder.

We had Thanksgiving at our house last year, though we did not really host, as my family brought almost all of the food.  It was pretty much the easiest set up we could have, but it was still hard.  It was hard to fit in cooking the few things I’d said I would make.  It was hard when at the end of the day, James was inconsolable during dinner and wanted only me.

For Christmas, we drove to my parents’ house, which is only about a three hour drive from us.  At that point, James was three months old and I think he was taking four naps per day.  He also took a LONG time to nurse as an infant, often at least an hour.  I used to use an App to track when he ate and I remember it often being 11-12 hours total nursing time at the end of the day.

Needless to say, that made it hard to fit in all of the Christmas traditions I love.

On Christmas Day, my husband offered to help James fall asleep for all of his naptimes, and that was seriously the best Christmas present I ever received.  Now he (usually) falls asleep peacefully with no fuss, but that was certainly not the case back then!

Especially in a new place and especially when it was not me putting him down for his nap, there was a lot of crying and a lot of time spent consoling.  I was so grateful to my husband for offering to cover nap time, since I was still spending hours upstairs feeding the little guy (yes, I could have just fed him with my family there, but I’m a really private person and wasn’t comfortable with that).

Even with all of the help from my family and husband, it was sort of a hard day (though also a great one in many ways).  I know I could have done a few things differently though, to make it even better.

1. Ask for help!

Not asking for help when I need it is definitely one of my biggest weaknesses (anyone else?  Yeah, I thought so).  It is a good thing my husband is literally the most helpful person on the planet, otherwise I’d be screwed.  Still, asking for help would make both of our lives easier, and is something I’m constantly working on.

2. Have realistic expectations

Even though I was SO excited and thankful to have a new baby, I had trouble letting go of how I pictured the holidays.  I think I’ve gotten a lot better over the past year about going into to things with fewer expectations and being a little more flexible (not natural to me).

3. Set the plan

I was afraid for a while to speak up and tell people what plan / timing would work best for us with a baby.  The thing is, I sort of hate being in charge, but I was the one who knew his nap schedule the best and should have spoken up more when it came to planning things.

All of that said, I have some of the very best memories from last year’s holidays.  I remember infant James staring up at the Christmas tree, completely mesmerized by the lights.  I remember him enjoying the little toys in his stocking, smiling and kicking his chubby legs.  I remember him in his little sweater vest at church, enamored with the lights and startled by the loud music.  I remember how very happy I was to have him, after spending the previous holiday season wishing for a baby so much.

I’m super excited to enjoy the holidays with a little toddler this year and to see what shenanigans he’ll get into.

Have a very happy Thanksgiving!

What’s the best gift you’ve every received?

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving tradition?

In addition to the obvious fact that he now toddles everywhere, I have seen so many sign that James is no longer a baby and has officially reached toddlerhood.  I used to think this would make me sad, but I can’t be sad about it when he’s so much fun these days!

Here are ten signs I’ve noticed that let me know his baby days are gone.

1. He has a special radar for finding anything in the room that might be off limits.  This mostly includes cords, electronics, and climbing on tables.
2. He throws little mini tantrums when something doesn’t go his way, making his body limp, and throwing his little head back with such drama.  He did this ALL week last week as he was teething and by the end of the week, he’d learned to throw himself on the floor, but carefully lower his head down so as not to bump.
3. He looks at me with the biggest, most mischievous smile before doing something he’s not supposed to
4. He’s fascinated by putting food in his little water glass – so gross
5. He has started helping!  He loves choosing a diaper from his basket when he needs one, handing me my shoes if I ask, and will sometimes help pick up legos or spilled Cheerios, it’s the best 🙂
6. He is always on the go, but gives the best hugs when if he ever slows down.  I call him my reluctant cuddle buddy.
7. He is getting so many little bumps and bruises, mainly from going too fast or not looking where he’s going.
8. He loves playgrounds!  This is something I really looked forward to and I’m so happy that the age of playground dates has arrives 🙂  He loves going down the slide and generally exploring and collecting rocks and sticks.
9. He thinks any and all bodily functions are hilarious.  Unless he’s tired and they they’re terrible and make him cry….
10. He is fascinated by small objects.  One of his favorite pastimes is collecting little rocks and sticks and trying to pick up bugs.  It is so sweet, but tricky to keep them out of his mouth!

Any advice from toddler mamas?

Any good book recommendations on toddler development?

Good morning and happy Friday!

I’m excited to share a guest post today from Laura at Listening for Good, a fellow Austin blogger who writes about respectful parenting and education.  She has a masters from the Harvard Graduate School of Education and is an instructor with Hand in Hand Parenting, a positive parenting organization that works with families to build stronger parent-child connections.

Today I’m sharing a post that originally appeared on her awesome blog about how to have fun and play with your child, while still respecting them and the inherent power differential between a child and an adult.  I loved this post and I hope you do too!

Tips for Playfulness and Roughhousing

By Laura Minnigerode

I have been trying some new playful parenting tools. Play is an amazing connector of hearts and creator of laughs, two really important and valuable things! It just does not always come naturally for me.

One thing that does help, though, is a good list of starting points!  My sources for these ideas: Hand in Hand Parenting‘s wonderful resources, and the books Playful Parenting and the Art of Roughhousing. Share more ideas with me in the comments or on Facebook in my Parenting by Connection group.

 1   Tune in, don’t swoop in. This kind of playfulness is about connection. It is important that your child has the upper hand in the power balance. At the same time, it is such a good chance to pay close attention to cues. It is vital that you honor this.   

2  Think of ways to be silly. Look for any possible avenue. Go way over board on this. Some examples: Pretend you forgot what day it is, or that you are mixed up about the way to pronounce something. Hold the homework paper upside down while trying to figure it out. With toddlers, especially, any thing that produces laughter is a winner.

3  Play may lead to big feelings. Tears or upset during or after play times are ok! It does not mean you did it wrong. Listen to the feelings that come up and stay present. In fact: sometimes imperceptible and even imaginary hurts can come up during play, and respond as if they are real and important.

4  Careful but not too much caution. It is good and so important to be safe. When doing active play like a pillow fight, choose your space with this in mind, and remove any potential hazards.  At the same time, try not to project an overly cautious attitude. When kids see that you are attentive to safety but also trust their play, it’s an incredibly powerful message. This is a big step towards resilience.

5  Don’t tickle. It is an uncomfortable feeling that takes power away. Parents generally have more power so it is valuable to invert that relationship in play.

 6 Use Listening Time to get support. Save your responses and use the support of another person or listener, that is the place to process your annoyance, anxiety or frustration about parenting.

Check out Laura’s blog for more great tips, as well as parenting workshops!