I have sort of a love – hate relationship with parenting books. Anyone else?
To me, it seems like the same situation as health books / philosophies – a myriad of “experts” touting opposite opinions and capitalizing on fear.
With this sort of opinion, you’d think I would just stop reading them. The problem is, I love to read and I love to have a plan. Having a book to turn to automatically makes me feel like I’m doing something about the problem. Having a plan makes me feel in control, even if the plan winds up failing. No problem, I’ll make a new plan.
But I hate how each parenting book starts by telling you all of the catastrophic things that will occur if you fail to execute their plan – how your child will be sleep deprived and therefore ADHD and therefore never amount to anything. How your child will become hopelessly codependent or unable to form a bond with anyone or grow three heads.
I’m pretty sure parents worry enough about these things without the books magnifying it. Aaaand, I’m quite sure that parents, for instance, reading a book about supporting healthy sleep in children, are already aware of the importance of sleep.
I was “off” of parenting books for quite some time, but alas, the nap situation caused me to fall off the wagon and I bought another one. I started listening to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child on Audible. A lot of the book makes a lot of sense to me, I could just do without the chapters on how sleep deprived children are doomed at life. Thanks for that Dr. Weissbluth. Thanks a lot.
I also find that, similar to health books, you can pretty much find a book to support whatever you want to do anyway. I suppose this can be helpful in boosting confidence about a parenting philosophy you already have, but it’s decidedly unhelpful when you’re actually looking for information on what to do.
With that said, there are actually a couple of parenting books I’ve read that I really liked.
This is an older book and I don’t think it’s in print anymore. I thought some of the information (e.g., regarding breastfeeding) was outdated, but I loved the ideas for gently helping your baby learn to self-soothe from the start. This book had a lot of great tips for avoiding creating crutches that you later need to wean your child off of.
I think this book would be useful even if you’re not familiar with Montessori. It has a lot of great information about developmental timelines and how to support your child in various phases of development and in reaching greater independence. I read this one when I was pregnant and am hoping to reread it soon.
How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk
This one is more for toddlers and up, but I recognized so many of the strategies we successfully used with children in the classroom that I would definitely recommend it to a friend. It’s amazing how little tweaks in language can prevent power struggles with a toddler.
I found all three of these books to be helpful and to include minimal “scare tactics”. I think it’s unkind and unnecessary for authors to play into the already present fear that we will somehow mess up our precious children. Because while they may all disagree, I don’t think any expert says, “You know what today’s parents need? To worry more.” No thanks.
How do you feel about parenting books? Do you have any favorites?
6 Comments
Parenting books are.. a sensitive topic. They can help, they can hinder, they can calm and inspire, they can create anxiety. It is helpful to know which ones do which!
So true, they really can be helpful…I think I’m just so much of a worrier naturally, I probably focus too much on those parts of the books lol.
I had to check my emails to you to make sure I didn’t recommend “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” 😂 I read it and thought it was just okay. I agree, so many books use scare tactics. Just wait for potty training! If you don’t potty train within a certain window of time, you’re doomed…NOT! 😂
Haha I don’t think you did, but people I really respect have told me it’s a good book – I think it’s more that I naturally worry a lot anyway, and now I’m worrying even more about his short naps than I was before 🙁 Not really the book’s fault as much as my personality I suppose lol.
I bought so many parenting books in the first phase of L’s life. They made me nuts. I searched through each one hoping to find the trick to make him sleep, eat better, not cry so much, not be so “needy” (he was 2 months old!), everything. I eventually packed them all away and learned to just go with the flow. I think they have their time and place for sure but not for me as a stressed out newborn baby mama.
Going with the flow is definitely something I need to work on! I am a little too Type A sometimes (thank goodness my husband is the absolute opposit lol). I am glad I’m not the only one who just gets more stressed by these books!