Thoughts on the first 7 weeks

Hello, hello!

I hope everyone is having a great week. It is a good one so far over here.

I’ve been trying to decide whether or not to do updates on Lilah like I did with James and I think I will, probably until she’s one or two like I did with him. At the end of the day, I just really love having them to look back on!

I plan on posting a Lilah update soon, but until then, here’s a look at how our family has been adjusting in these first seven weeks with two little ones.

Personally, I was a lot less nervous about having an infant this time, but definitely anxious about what it would be like to have two and, specifically, how my toddler would adjust, so hopefully this is helpful to someone!

The honeymoon period

We are so fortunate that my husband got six weeks off for paternity leave. I know this is not the norm, and it certainly made a huge difference in these early weeks.

In some ways, his paternity leave was easier (for me haha – probably not so much for him) this time because there were so many obvious ways that he could help.

My husband is a super helpful person, like it’s one of his defining characteristics, but with a breastfed infant, there is only so much a husband can do. He certainly helped a ton with diapers and soothing when James was born, but I obviously was the one feeding him around the clock.

This time around, he definitely took the lead on taking care of our toddler. We tried to switch off as much as possible so that he got to spend time with the baby and I got to spend time with James, but in the first couple of weeks it was too hard for me physically to be down on the floor playing Legos or running around the backyard.

Having my husband around definitely eased the transition for James as he really got just as much attention as usual, if not more, just from a different person. (Spoiler alert – this does not mean the transition has been easy for our little two year old….)

The other wonderful thing about the early weeks was that Lilah often took a long nap at the same time James did. This meant Nick and I frequently had a 2-3 hour stretch to get stuff done / get out of the house / connect with each other.

We lucked out with some truly beautiful weather (love Texas winter!) and I spent many nap times simply sitting outside reading this book or this one (<- giveaway soon!) and enjoying the sunshine.

We absolutely had a few very rough days in the early weeks, and there was naturally very little sleep, but I seriously think I will cherish that time together as a family forever. I very much hope that longer paternity leave becomes a more regular thing in this country!

What we’re doing differently

Overall, we’re still just stumbling through this newborn time in a foggy haze, alternating between cherishing the cutest little squishy baby and looking forward to when she is slightly older and (*hopefully*) sleeps a little better.

There are a few things we’re doing differently though, mostly regarding sleep. Here are the main differences:

Naps

When James was an infant, he took all of his naps on me. This was not a conscious choice, I just knew absolutely nothing about baby sleep and was keeping him up too long, so he always fell asleep on me when he was nursing.

I really loved all of the snuggles, but it was also hard to be essentially trapped all day and unable to get anything done. We transitioned him to napping in his bed (I think around 2 months?), but it was difficult.

I knew with Lilah that I wanted to help her nap in her bed from the very start. I put her down for at least one nap a day in her bassinet starting the day after we got home from the hospital – and it went great!

She frequently took 2-3 hour naps in her bassinet in the early weeks, which meant I could spend time with James. I did still let her sleep on me though, mostly in the afternoons and evenings, because the feeling of holding a sleeping baby is probably my favorite part of the newborn stage and I didn’t want to miss it!

Now that she’s a little older, naps are a bit trickier, but I’m still trying to help her nap in her bassinet as much as possible, so that I can play with James, and so that she learns how to fall asleep on her own.

I often let her sleep on me while he’s napping though – got to get those snuggles in! I also think this helps keep her from getting too overtired, as her naps on me are generally about 5 times longer than her naps in the bassinet.

The bassinet

This is nothing we really did differently, but Lilah seems very content to sleep in her bassinet – thank goodness! James boycotted the bassinet from day 1 and never slept in there, so he transitioned to his Montessori floor bed in his room right away.

This wouldn’t be a bad thing except that we wanted to sleep in the same room for the first six months per the SIDS prevention recommendations, which meant an air mattress on his floor – not the most comfortable! I was very happy when she took to the bassinet right away.

Drowsy, but awake

We frequently placed Lilah in her bed completely asleep in the earliest days because, well, she was almost always sleeping!

As soon as she began to “wake up” a bit more though, we started offering naps when she was drowsy, but not asleep, and this definitely seems to have made a difference in her ability to fall asleep on her own.

I remember spending hours rocking James to sleep at night when he was little and she mostly just goes back to sleep on her own after eating in the middle of the night (except two nights ago, when she was up from 12-3, so who knows….). Overall I think it’s helped, but every baby is different of course, so she could just be a naturally better sleeper.

Not responding to every “peep”

With James, I’m pretty sure I got him out of bed and rocked him or fed him every time he made a “peep”.

With Lilah, I’m really trying to determine if she’s actually waking up / hungry or if she’s just making noises as her sleep cycle transitions. This is hard to do in the middle of the night, but I do think it’s led to some longer stretches of sleep!

She only woke up to eat once last night from 7:45 – 6:20 and it was everything. I’m sure this will change and we’ll have good nights and bad nights, but it gives me hope 🙂

I really like this book for information on baby sleep. Sleep is such a personal thing and I don’t agree with everything in this book, but it definitely helped me understand how long babies of different ages can generally stay awake without getting over-tired and how to tell if they’re hungry or just making noise.

The K’tan carrier

A big part of Montessori is freedom of movement, even for little babies. This means lots of time playing on the floor, and not lots of time spent in strollers / seats / carriers. Hence with James, I used the carrier for errands, but never really at home.

Lilah hangs out in the K’tan carrier almost every afternoon. This is because, while she generally naps well in her bassinet, afternoon naps are harder and I simply can’t spend all afternoon trying to get her to nap. Even if I wanted to, James won’t let me!

She often takes her late afternoon nap in the carrier and it lets me get in some snuggles and also spend time with James and prep (not cook!) dinner.

I will say this carrier hurts my back when I use it too much, but I may just be doing it wrong. I’ve found this video super helpful with putting it on!

Things that have been easier

Breastfeeding

This is definitely the number one difference in my experience with my second child, versus my first.

I have no idea if it has been easier because I have some experience, or if Lilah is just more of a natural with eating, but breastfeeding has been 1000X easier.

James struggled to gain weight, which meant I had to pump after every time I fed him for a while to keep up milk supply and supplement with bottles. He also took an hour pretty much every time he ate. With a little newborn eating every two hours, this meant I spent 10-12 hours a day breastfeeding, plus pumping. That was a lot!

In contrast Lilah takes 10-20 minutes each time she eats and is gaining weight like a champ. This has been such a huge relief to me.

Anxiety

I’m naturally a super anxious person, so I still have lots of anxiety, but it’s for sure less all-consuming this time around. A lot of this probably has to do with Lilah’s strong weight gain, and I think some of it has to do with just being busier and having less time to worry.

I am also *really* trying not to Google everything, and to rely a little more on my intuition, which is not my strong suit.

I actually think my husband and I are a great balance with this. I like to read all the things, while he generally just kind of wings it.

Watching him, I actually think he has a lot better intuition with what Lilah needs sometimes because he’s able to watch her cues without all of the (conflicting!) noise from the experts clouding his thinking. Something I’m working on!

Sleep

I already talked a lot about this above, but not having to pump in the middle of the night, coupled with Lilah usually going back to sleep on her own, mean a lot more sleep for us. The flip side of this is I can’t sleep in because of my early rising toddler, but it still feels better to sleep more in the middle of the night.

Note: Over the three of four days it’s taken me to write this post, she has slept so poorly at night, so hopefully we’ll get back to good sleep soon! Baby sleep is always changing….

Things that have been harder

Toddler Transition

Watching James become a big brother has been beautiful in so many ways, but has also been one of the hardest parts of parenting for me.

He is so sweet to Lilah, but I can also see him struggling with this huge change, and it breaks my heart.

I want so much to be able to give him 100% of my attention during what I know is a hard time for him, but obviously that’s not possible.

I try to make sure he has some good one on one time every day and I remind myself constantly of how much I love having a brother and sister. I know this will be a good experience for him in the end, but it is still really hard to see him struggling (and really hard to remain patient even though I know his behavior is a natural expression of his feelings around this big transition).

Check out my post on helping toddlers transition with a new baby here!

On the flip side, it is also hard to feel like I can’t give Lilah 100% of my attention. I feel like so much of the day she is just along for the ride.

I know she is getting a lot out of just being in the midst of family life, but I still really love the times when she is awake during James’s nap and I can just watch her enjoy her Munari mobile or book, both of which she currently loves!

Right now, every day is different. Some days are so good and sweet and some days are so, so hard.

I am trying to cherish the good days and moments and breathe through the hard ones, remaining as calm as possible.

Thanks for reading along – I would love to hear your experiences with having a baby or second child, or any way you deal with big changes in life.

Please note that this post contains affiliate links. All opinions are my own.